The Vertinginous Trilogy

Tad Webster pulled his shiny new red pick-up truck into the flower- lined driveway that belonged to his brother-in-law, Mart. Shoving the truck’s transmission into park, he observed the picturesque and perfectly color coordinated house of blues and violets and frowned.

“I said I’d help Mart trim the top branches of his hedge but I only said I’d help.  Mart isn’t even outside. But at least he managed to get the ladder from the garage to the front yard.”

Tad turned off the ignition and jumped out of the vehicle, patting the door fondly as he slammed it shut.

“Hey, Mr. Tad,” yelled a small neighborhood boy who was staring up at Mart’s roof, a worried look on his freckled face.

“Hey, yourself. You’re Liam, right? I remember seeing you playing on one of the basketball teams at the Community Center. But why so glum?”

“My frisbee got stuck on Mr. Belden’s roof.  I rang the doorbell and told him about it but he said he was busy eating and would have to get it after lunch.  So I guess I’ll just have to wait.”  Liam shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “He seemed kind of grumpy.”

Tad smiled at the youngster.  “We call that ‘hangry.’ How about I get it for you?”

“Really? That’d be great. But Mr Tad, what’s hangry?”

Tad chuckled.  “It’s when you’re so hungry that you get angry.  Hangry, get it?”

Liam nodded his head vigorously.  “I do. I guess my older brother gets hangry a lot.”

Smiling, Tad grabbed the ladder and leaned it against the house, then climbed up and retrieved the toy. As he was tossing it down, Mart’s front door banged open.

“Webster!” yelled Mart.  “What are you doing?”

“Obviously not helping you with your bushes since you’re not even out here.”

“Same question,” continued Mart as he stuffed the last corner of a Crabapple Farm Special into his mouth.

“Relax, Mart. I was just getting Liam’s frisbee off your roof so you wouldn’t have to rush through your lunch.”

Mart looked at the boy and winced. “Opps! I guess I was tied up longer than I thought I would be.”  

“That’s okay,” answered Liam, heading back towards his own yard.  “But Mr. Tad said he could get it and I know how much you love to eat, so with Mr. Tad’s help, I got my frisbee and you got to eat. Win-win!””  With a thumbs up gesture to Tad and Mart, Liam dashed back to his own yard, his frisbee held tight in his small  hands.

Mart looked up at Tad who was grabbing a few handfuls of dead leaves from the house’s gutter.

“You better practice vigilant caution up there.  I loathe the idea of you falling and the subsequent potential lawsuit.  But then again, I assume with all your practice at retrieving volleyballs and basketballs from the rafters at the Community Center,  you have already mastered laboring at vertiginous heights.”

Tad tossed the rotting, damp leaves toward Mart.  “I have no idea what you just said.”

Mart sighed.  “Which part?”

“I got the part about volleyballs and basketballs but the rest was all gibberish.” Tad  skimmed down the ladder. “Especially the vertical bit.”

Mart shook his head.  “Not vertical, vertiginous.  Ver-ti-gi-nous," he said slowly, emphasisizing each syllable.  “In case you were unaware, it’s an adjective that describes a feeling of dizziness, especially at great heights.”

Tad rolled his eyes.  “Whatever.   Let’s just get the trimming done.  Trixie and I have plans later this afternoon.  And since we already noted that I have mastered working at ver-ti-gi-nous heights,” Tad said as he echoed Mart’s precise pronunciation of the word, “ I’ll go up the ladder and you can rake and collect all the trimmings I lop off. Deal?”

Mart shrugged.  “Sure.  But if you don’t mind, I will maintain the ladder securely so as to reduce any possibility of a fall.”

“You’re all heart, Mart.” Tad retrieved the electric trimmers from the bed of his truck and, after placing the ladder where he wanted it, climbed back up. “Let’s get to work.”

“Okay.” Mart, gripping the sides of the ladder, yelled up to Tad   “But if you feel the inception of a vertiginous episode, I would prefer that you return to the terra firma.”

With a well-practiced smirk cast toward Mart, Tad cut off a bunch of branches then dropped them squarely on the top of Mart’s head.

“Sure, Mart. Whatever you say.”

 

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A few days later, Trixie was rummaging through her and Tad’s cluttered garage in search of a badminton set.  

“Gleeps! I know we have one,” she muttered as she poked and rifled through several disorganized piles of various paraphernalia.  “Where are you? Show yourself,” Trixie commanded as she tossed a clump of tangled Christmas lights aside.

“Wait!  Now I remember.  We put it up in the rafters because Tad wanted to have a space for the snow shovels.”

She grabbed the ladder that was propped behind the recycling bin, opened it up and began climbing toward the area in which she had stored the game

“Hey!” cried Tad, coming into the garage.  “And what exactly do you think you are doing?”

“I’m getting down the badminton set,” explained Trixie.  “I wanted to help since you were busy cleaning the grill.  The Bobwhites will be here soon and I wanted everything to be set up and ready.”

Tad shook his head.  “I’m pretty sure it’s out of your reach.  You come down and I’ll get it.”

Tad held out his hand to assist Trixie down the ladder but she shook him off.

“Tad,” she scowled, “I’m not exactly helpless here. I can get it.” She stood on her tiptoes. “Hang on, I’ve almost got it.” Fully stretching out her arm, Trixie reached higher. When she made contact with the battered box, she wiggled it back and forth until it was within her grasp.

“Success!” Trixie slid the box across the rafters then handed it down to Tad.

Tad took the box from Trixie’s hands and placed it on the floor.  Then he reached up to help his wife down the ladder.

“Be careful,” he cautioned.  “Although I have no concerns about you having a vertiginous episode, that ladder can be pretty shaky.”

Trixie clutched at the ladder step in front of her.  “Wh..what did you say?”

Tad again offered his hand to Trixie but slapped it away.

“What did you say?” she repeated, her eyes narrowing.

“I said, ‘be careful.’”

“No.” Trixie shook her head in frustration.  “The other thing you said.”

“Oh. I said I didn’t want you to have a vertiginous epi…”

“That!” screeched Trixie.  “Where on earth did you learn that phrase?”

Tad shrugged as a guilty grin spread across his face.  “It’s kind of a fun word to say. Just listen:   ver-ti-gi-nous. See?” Like Mart had done, Tad emphasized each syllable. “I know it’s kinda…”

Trixie immediately shushed him.  “Never mind. We can discuss this later. I just heard a car door slam which means our guests have arrived. ”

Tad waited for Trixie to get off the ladder, then he put it away.

“Here!” Trixie picked up the dusty badminton box and thrust it toward Tad.  “You go put this up and I’ll greet our fellow Bobwhites.”

“Got it!” Tad turned to leave but was stopped by Trixie.

“And remember, no more ridiculous words. It’s bad enough when Mart uses them but if you’re going to start ....” She waved her hands in disgust. “Just don’t and I won’t have to make you sleep on the couch.  Capisce?”

With a quick nod that solidified their agreement, the two exited the garage.

 

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A week later Trixie was working at Ingram”s Antiques, the shop that she managed for Imogene Ingram who also co-owned Bing’s Nursery with Mart.  The twinkling of the bell that hung over the front door alerted Trixie to the arrival of a customer. Turning around, she saw her brother, Mart, sauntering toward her, whistling an off-key tune.

“Oh, it’s you.” Trixie dropped her welcoming smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Imogene and I have to finalize outhe Christmas order for the nursery.”

“Oh.” Trixie glanced out the big front window at the street beyond where petunias and  geraniums were blooming in big ceramic pots along the sidewalk.

“Hmm,” she murmured.  “It`’s hard to imagine Christmas on a day like today.”

“Mart!” exclaimed Imogene as she hustled out of the back room. “I’m glad you’re finally here.”

Mart offered a dramatic bow.  “At your service, Madam. Shall we get started on our business of seasonal acquisitions?”

“Yes, but before we do, could you do me a big favor?”

“Certainly.”

Imogene pointed to the top of a shelf upon which young readers’ mysteries were neatly stacked. “There’s a box of books up there that I want to add to these shelves but the box is a bit too bulky for either me or Trixie.”

“No problem.” Mart disappeared around the end of the aisle then reappeared wheeling a tall ladder in front of him.

“And while you’re doing that, I’m just going to run over to the restaurant and grab ourselves a snack for our meeting.”

Mart crossed his hands over his heart. “Just another reason why you and I make such great partners. I love gardening and you had the incredibly brilliant notion to add a restaurant to your antique shop.”

“Yes, well,” Imogene patted her strawberry blond hair.  “I’m glad I’m the incredibly brilliant one.” Imogene, her laced booties tapping on the floor, disappeared around the corner.

“Now, Trixie,” announced Mart. “If  you’ll just step aside, I will ascend this device and retrieve the requested carton of junior reading material.”

 As Mart climbed the ladder, Trixie stood below and steadied it.

“Do you have the box yet,” she yelled up to her brother.

“Almost. Just maintain your lower garments on your body,’” answered Mart.

Trixie tossed back her curls and muttered to herself. “Keep my pants on. Gleeps!” Looking up at her brother, she called out, “I could have done this by myself, you know.  Imogene is just being a bit overprotective."

“Oh, Trixie.” Mart slid the box toward himself. “ Some things are just destined to be performed by a stronger person. And nobody wants you to fall or trip or anything like that.” He shuddered dramatically. “I still have nightmares about a specific daffodil.”

Mart returned to his soliloquy regarding the attributes of a strong male. Trixie, impatiently waiting below, rolled her eyes in exasperation and gave the ladder a firm shake.

“Hey!” exclaimed Mart. “Watch it! I'm coming down now.”

“Okay.” Trixie licked her lips. “But be careful.  I wouldn’t want you to have a vertiginous episode and fall.”

“Whhhat?” Mart clutched at the ladder with one hand while he tried to balance the box with the other, but his steps faltered. The box of books he was holding started to slide then crashed to the floor.

Mart stumbled down the rest of the ladder.  Facing Trixie, his eyes were still wide.  “What did you say?”

Trixie brushed the dust from her hands then looked her brother squarely in the eye.  “I said I wouldn't want you to have a vertiginous experience but I guess I was too late for that.”

Before Mart could reply, Imogene appeared from the restaurant, her hands full of cookies and iced tea drinks. “Mart.  What happened?”

“Don’t blame me,” answered Mart defensively.  “It was all Trixie’s fault.” He pointed an accusing finger at his sister.

“What’d I do?” demanded Trixie.

“You know what you did.”

“What?”

Imogen waved her hands through the air, effectively ending the confrontation between the siblings.

“Never mind, you two.  Trixie, please check the books then add them to the display.  Mart, you come with me so we can finish the Christmas order.  Honestly, you two kids. The lengths that you go in order to maintain sibling rivalry combat is preposterous and laborious.”She shook her head. “At least you didn’t have a vertiginous experience and fall, Mart. Or did you?” She grinned slyly at the two Beldens.

“Imogene!” Mart looked shocked.  

“What?” asked Imogene, a puzzled look on her face.

“That word.”

“Which one?”

“All of them,” sputtered Mart.

Imogene threw back her head and laughed. “Oh, Mart.  Never, and I mean never, try to mix it up with a New York Times crossword aficionado.  You aren’t the only individual who bears a profound and complex catalog of unaccustomed terms in your cerebrum.” She paused and wagged a finger at Mart. “Yes, cerebrum. That was an eight letter word for ‘brain’ two weeks ago. Now, let’s get to that order, shall we?"

With a quick wink at Trixie and Mart, Imogene stepped around the books and headed toward the back office.

“And by the way,  I do them in ink,” she called over her shoulder. “In ink!”

Eyes still wide in disbelief, Mart quietly put the ladder away while Trixie began collecting the books that were scattered around the floor.

“In ink,” whispered Mart as he passed by Trixie on his way to his meeting.

Trixie nodded weakly.  “Sometimes, there are no words,” she whispered back.

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Author notes:Thank you to all who have faithfully followed my stories formthe last ten years.  They certainly are fun to write.  Thank you to my daughter, Katie, and my sister for their editing skills.

Frisbee-a flying disc toy that was invented in the 1930’s. New York Times crossword puzzle-a daily American crossword puzzle that increases in difficulty each day.

Ingram’s Antiques-the antique store the Trixie manages for Imogene Ingram and is introduced in the story titled A New Direction.

Bing’s Nursery-the name of the garden center that Imogene and Mart open together, introduced in the story titled And the Name Is... And. as always, a big thank you to the original Trixie Belden series that has brought so much joy and creativity

word count-2189